Copycatting Roman wedding customs

by David Grand
June 30, 2005

I won't lament June's passing, for it serves as a grim reminder that I'm a year older than the last time it popped up on the calendar. But for those earning a living in the wedding industry, it's departure is a sad occasion, since June is the most popular month for couples to wed.

From what I've read, it's a carryover from Roman weddings, when June was the favored month, while marriages in February and May were forbidden.

Interestingly, the Roman wedding is the basis for many of our marriage customs. For though there are some differences (especially regarding ages and choice of spouse), the similarities that have survived to this day are quite remarkable:

• A Roman girl was considered ready for marriage at the age of 12, but 14 was the standard for both bride and groom. Fathers would choose a husband, and make the required arrangements, including the size of the dowry, with the groom's family. (Talk about a male-dominated society.)
• An engagement ring was worn symbolically on the third finger of the left hand, as it still is, since Romans believed that a nerve ran from this finger directly to the heart.
• On the morning of the wedding, the bride was dressed by her mother. The most important part of her white, wedding dress was a belt tied around her waist in the "knot of Hercules," who was considered the guardian of wedded life, which only the husband could untie. Now, it's a garter the mother slips on the bride's leg that only her spouse can remove.
• At the wedding ceremony, the bride wore a white veil, and was accompanied by a bridesmaid, with the wedding typically held at the home of the bride's father. That was a money-saver.
• There had to be witnesses present, generally 10, for the ceremony to be legal. The couple would stand before a priest, and the bride would chant the Roman marital vow: "Quando tu Gaius, ego Gaia." (When-and where-you are Gaius, then-and there-am Gaia.) It's origin deeply rooted in the lucky meaning of the name Gaius.
• Afterwards, the bride and groom sat on stools facing the altar. An offering was made to Jupiter by the priest, usually a cake, of which the newlyweds ate small pieces (much as they do today).
• Following the dinner party, the bride was escorted to her husband's home, with those in the procession throwing nuts at the couple, as opposed to our tradition of throwing rice.
• When the procession arrived at the groom's doorstep, the mother would hold her daughter, and the groom then took his bride with a pretend show of force from her arms.
• And before her husband carried her over the threshold, she again recited the consent chant; and once inside, lit a fire with a special torch carried at the head of the procession, which, after she blew it out, was tossed over her head among the unmarried women, who scrambled for it much like a bride's flower bouquet is today.

Miserable as a marriage might be back then, divorce was virtually unknown, unlike how it is today with about two million divorces a year, balanced against an estimated 2,344,000 weddings each year, with an average cost for a formal wedding being $17,364 (the reception the most costly part, at $6,500). 

But that's not too bad, considering that the average funeral costs in the U.S. are $6,130. And that, according to the Guinness Book of Records, the owner of two cats in Thailand-named Phat & Ploy-spent $16,241 for their marriage in a discotheque. I guess their soft meows while boogying sufficed for exchanging marriage vows.