'Believe It or Not'

by David Grand
July 14, 2005

That phrase originated with Robert Ripley's comic strips. They began in 1913 and ran for over 40 years, fascinating and amusing his readers with what was described as "unbelievable, inexplicable, amazing and one-of-a-kind facts and objects" he'd collected in his world travels.

What brought that to mind, was when I was thinking of an appropriate way-other than challenging Sen. Larry Haines to a duel or spraying graffiti on his office window-of responding to his recent efforts to turn the clock back to the 2004 election, and resurrect the question on the ballot pertaining to the election of five commissioners, one from each of the newly created five districts. The fact that it was approved overwhelmingly by the voters was, apparently to him, of little or no consequence. 

Now, to borrow the words used to describe Ripley's collection of oddities, I, too, found it unbelievable, inexplicable and amazing that such a seasoned politician would ever even contemplate, let alone flatly refuse to abide by the people's will in a democratic held election, unless one is a ruling despot in some African country.

And unlike Ripley's comic strips, there's nothing amusing about it, with the only a glint of humor I found was the justification he offered for the position he's taken; namely, that "many  voters have told me they aren't satisfied with having only one commissioner to vote for, and that they didn't understand the question they were voting on." All that tells me is, that they hadn't bothered to read the flurry of newspaper articles on the subject and/or take the time to go over the sample ballot they got in the mail. And they could've asked the judges at their precincts to clarify any questions they had.

Now, the first time the senator caught my attention was back in 1995, when he appeared (unpaid) in an ad for a local restaurant, showing him smiling like a Cheshire cat and holding a hot dog in his hand that he was about to devour. However, the media hounded him for what they perceived as an ethical violation for using his position as a state senator to help a friend. His reply: "I'm the original hot dog."

And true to the label he hung on himself, he's been hot-dogging it ever since, like when, in 1996, he wrote a letter, at developer Martin K.P. Hill's request, to Maryland's Secretary of the Dept. of Transportation, in an effort to resolve the ongoing feud Hill was engaged in with the town of Hampstead over a proposed development. And as one paper said in an editorial, "Sen. Haines intervening with the DOT on behalf of a wealthy developer, who's a generous contributor to his campaigns, raised eyebrows in Hampstead." (I felt like mine had been plucked.)

In that same year, he juggled his public and private roles, by writing a letter on behalf of the Church of the Open Door (where he's a deacon) to the Westminster Planning and Zoning Commission requesting its approval of their application to rezone two parcels of land. He denied any conflict of interests, saying: "all I did was to submit a letter on behalf of the church council, and that my being a state senator shouldn't, and wouldn't, affect anyone's views on the rezoning request." Hogwash, I recall thinking at the time. For he knew darn well, that by lending the prestige of his office to their request, it'd be given preferential treatment. And his presence at the hearing only served to re-enforce it.

But that's water over the dam, which is the same way he should, but won't, view "all" of the results of the 2004 election. And if he persists in trying to nullify the voter's choice as to how the commissioners will be elected from hereon, he'll only succeed in holding himself up to ridicule, as would the entire delegation, if they're foolish enough to back his plans for introducing a bill at the next session to give voters the right to vote for five commissioners throughout the whole county.

If that doesn't cause the blood of those who've already made their preference abundantly clear to boil, then I don't know what would. But who knows, they may be so outraged at his end run, as to attempt to do the heretofore impossible of booting him out of office. Believe it or not.