Pinning the tail on which donkey?

by David Grand
August 14, 2003


Jumping Jehoshaphat!! I haven't seen the Democratic party is such a state of disarray since George McGovern took the party right over the cliff in 1972, failing to carry even his home state, which embarrassment Al Gore shared in 2000. Moral: A "gimmie" is only on the links.

And when looking at the current crop of democratic candidates, who remind me of people you see in ticket lines trying to get tickets for sold-out football games, I fear that history may well be repeated.
Without wanting to appear too critical of the current lineup, I would characterize each of them as follows:

  • Joe Lieberman. The odds-on favorite going into the race, a proven campaigner, and the only one of the candidates who supported the war with Iraq from the get-go. However, in his public appearances he comes across like someone who'd been long buried and then dug up again, and who faces an uphill battle in convincing democrats that he can raise the party, like the phoenix, from the ashes.
  • Howard Dean. The phenom of the race, who ignited a wildfire in the democratic establishment by his ability to raise funds far in excess of his opponents, and who describes himself as "the Democratic wing of the Democratic Party." (That's a line he borrowed from the late Senator Paul Wellstone of Minnesota.) And if he wins the nomination, it could, as Lieberman said, "consign the party to to the political wilderness for a long time to come." In TV interviews, he looks as wholesome, stiff and unshakable as a bowl of tapioca- a pudding I recall spitting out as a kid.
  • John Kerry. A genuine war hero and the first choice of the Democratic Leaders' Council (DLC), whose been pushed off center stage by Dean's surge in popularity, thereby jeopardizing the Senator's chances in his must-win state of New Hampshire, which could herald his downfall. To me, he resembles Lincoln, sans a beard, and his voice isn't squeaky like "Old Abe's."
  • Bob Graham. With Dean swiping his main issue, his opposition to the war, he's been relegated to the second row; and his idiotic suggestion that the president should be subject to impeachment for misleading Americans on the justification for the war put him in the bleachers. And in the debates, he looks like a man secretly gnawed at by a scarcely endurable pain.
  • Dick Gephardt. If Dean cancels out Kerry, he could become the party's favorite by default. But if he loses in his backyard state of Iowa, he might as well resign himself to remaining the minority leader in the House. I've always thought of him as being a bundle of contradictions that clash like cymbals.
  • John Edwards. He could emerge as the dark horse, if Dean gives Kerry a whipping up North. In which event, he could paint himself as the moderate savior of the party in the South. As a self-proclaimed populist, who looks like he's in the mid-to-late thirties, he could possibly prevent Bush from sweeping all of Dixieland. Two moderate southern governors-Carter and Clinton- did.
  • Among the other three wannabe nominees- Rep. Dennis Kucinich, Carrol Moseley Braun and the Rev. Al Sharpton- the Reverend is the one whose received the most enthusiastic response from audiences for his "tell like it is" way of speaking. But he still acts like a New York cab driver with an opinion about everything, which would turn-off most people, as would his flattened-down version of Don King's hair.

My advice to the candidates-which I know they're eager to hear-would be: quit bashing Bush about the war and concentrate on its aftermath and the heavy toll it's taking on the lives of our soldiers and our deficit; push to have the United Nations play a stronger role in rebuilding Iraq; don't try to match Bush in the popularity arena, for two-thirds of voters say they personally like the man; hammer on the woeful condition of the economy, with 3 million jobs lost in the private-sector since Bush got his job, and only 39 percent of Americans believing it's heading in the right direction; and, above all, avoid taking extreme positions, such as repealing or scaling back Bush's tax cut.

The bottom line is, as one political pundit put it, "if the Democratic Party continues to ignore its electable wing in favor of the siren voices of the left, then what ought to be a hard slog for the president in the election could turn into a delightful romp."

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