Multiple marriages and longevity linked?

by David Grand
April 21, 2005

Sounds silly I know. But when I read last month of Artie Shaw, that famous American jazz clarinetist, bandleader and composer during the swing-era putting down his sweet-sounding clarinet for the last time at 95, I wondered if there might not be a correlation between the two.       

He had 7 of 'em, including such Hollywood beauties as Lana Turner (who like him was married 7 times); and Ava Gardner, who later married Mickey Rooney (who she towered over), and Frank "Ol' Blue Eyes" Sinatra, who considered her "the love of his life" until his dying day.      

What variety: a clarinetist, child star and crooner. All she needed to round it out would've been for her to have married that bull fighter she had a long affair with in Spain. But apparently he preferred fighting with the bulls more than he did fighting with her. Viva! El matador.      

So as to determine whether that theory had any validity, I put on my research cap and found that Artie was in good company with a number of well-known individuals of both sexes who'd repeated their martial vows as often, if not more times than him, and who also lived to a ripe old age.        

King David set the precedent by having many wives. And his marriages were nothing to boast about, particularly his grievous sin of murder and adultery in the case of Bathsheba. But his son King Solomon left him in his dust by having 700 wives and 300 concubines, which the Bible blames for his downfall because of the influence his foreign wives exerted on him, and by their burning incense and making sacrifices to their gods in the temple bearing his name.      

The leader of the Mormons Brigham Young married 27 times, and was survived by 17 wives and 57 children, most likely of sheer fatigue.       King Henry V 111 of England, while only married 6 times, found an expedient and practical way to avoid the trouble of divorcing three of them legally, by simply having them beheaded. Sharp thinking.       

In modern-days, among those who hastily jumped in and out of the matrimonial frying pan, regardless of how many times they were burnt, were:

• Tommy Manville, heir to his father's asbestos fortune was married 11 times. He's probably the one who started prenuptial agreements, by stipulating in a written contract  how much his wife at the time of the marriage would be paid when they split-up (usually within a year).   
• Mickey Rooney, who's is still kicking at 85 got hitched 8 times, and who's now reduced to sitting on a couch in his home with his current wife doing commercials for a life insurance company. Don't know why his co-star in many movies Judy Garland wasn't among his collection of wives. Perhaps it was because they saw too much of each other on the set (as well as their bad sides) to ever fall in love.
• Barbara "the million dollar baby" Hutton, heiress to the Woolworth fortune, who was married 7 times (with her third husband Cary Grant being the best of the lot). She was the social diva of her era and the second richest girl in the U.S., with only Doris Duke, heiress to a tobacco fortune being richer. She died, however, with just $3,500 in her bank account. Poor baby.
• Liz Taylor, who married 8 times (twice to Richard Burton), is staying active by beating the drums for Michael Jackson, and in going on and off diets.
• Zsa Zsa Gabor, who at  90 is no doubt still looking for husband no. 10. Two of her more memorable quotes: "I never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back." And "I only want a man who's kind and understanding; and is that asking too much of a millionaire?"       

Well, it looks like I'd have to rack up more marriages in order to join that merry band of honeybees, who were so busy flying from flower to flower they didn't have time to die early in life. No, I'll stay single and continue to enjoy my quiet, placid existence, even though bachelors reportedly die sooner than married men. But just as happily, if not happier I'm sure.