Down comes the circus tent

by David Grand
April 14, 2005

If it was my call, I'd leave that tent in Annapolis up for next year' session, on the safe assumption that it'll vary little, if at all, from this year's, with the same acts and clowns reappearing. And perhaps the only difference between the two is that there'll be even louder jeering and booing by the spectators (taxpayers) in 2006.      

For once again, Governor Ehrlich will occupy center stage as the ringmaster (if in name only), with Senate President Mike Miller and House Speaker Mike Busch undercutting him at every turn in an effort to unseat him, while continuing to go mano-a-mano over who's the top gun in town, since neither gained the clear advantage at this year's face-off.        

I'd grade the performances under the big top this year as follows, recognizing that no one gave a stellar performance, and that the clock striking midnight on Monday (signaling "sine die," translated from the Latin to mean adjourning finally) was the highlight of the session.      

The top clown was clearly Joe Steffen, a state employee and former campaign worker for the governor, who was caught red-handed spreading rumors about Mayor Martin O'Malley's extra-martial affair, and for allegedly helping Ehrlich replace "disloyal" staffers among the 7,000 state employees.     

Thank heaven, he didn't hear any rumors of infidelity on the part of legislators on either side of the aisle. For if he had, I'm sure he'd have flashed it on his web site even if it involved a Republican, who strayed from the marital path. Right. 

And when it came to jugglers, nothing was more ridiculous to watch than the inept, juggling act put on by both Mikes, who dropped more duckpins than they caught, concentrating more on throwing them at each other's heads. Fortunately, they're both hardheaded.      

Given their druthers, they might've preferred doing a traipse act together, with no net underneath to break their fall. And if left up to Ehrlich to decide who'd be the "catcher," it'd surely be Mike Miller, whose been his staunch ally on slots, with both of 'em crying crocodile tears were Busch to be spattered like a tomato on the ground, not that Miller would deliberately let loose of his grip.

However, if Busch refused to literally put his life in Miller's hands, or claimed he had Acrophobia, maybe they could've reach a compromise-the first one in the session-and flipped a coin to see who'd enter the tigers cage with only a whip in hand. If Ehrlich didn't slip Miller a two-headed coin and let him call it in the air, shame on him.      

So, the circus ends (sadly, for the majority of us in favor of slots and who'd hoped for relief on our property taxes), with Ehrlich riding the lead elephant out of the arena, followed closely by his loyal supporters from the Carroll County delegation holding on to one another's limp tail.      

And he's already exuding confidence that he'll be on that same elephant come the election in 2006, by playing the role of the poor underdog and campaigning against an obstructionist Democratic legislature; and that he won't be knocked off by his main rival, that "full of blarney," Irish mayor riding a lowly donkey.  

Be that as it may, falling off a jackass isn't as risky as falling off a mammoth elephant, who could then stomp you into the ground or fling you in the air like a rag doll, while all the donkey would do is hee-haw.