Magic mirror on the wall, who's the purest conservative of all?

by David Grand
May 12, 2010

That's a line I paraphrased from from that classic fairytale Snow White, as a way of illustrating what I believe will be the criteria that wannabe commissioners will be judged by in the upcoming primary election.

It comes as no surprise, that they will all be of same political stripe, given that a Democrat hasn't been elected to the board since 1990 and then for only one term. And if my memory serves me right, nary one has held a local office in that time-frame and conceivably won't be until such time as a ultra conservative Democrat appears over the horizon, who can pass the required litmus test of not even having a liberal thought or wearing a left shoe, except at home.

As I went down the current list of those who've thrown their hats in the ring (scarfs or handbags for the two women candidates), about the only thing I could see that distinguishes one from another are their names and ages, with all of them singing the same song (with minor variations) and making the same pledges if elected; namely, calling for less government, less spending and less government interference in people's private lives.

With that agenda, that parrots the tea party's objectives to the letter, they must already be members of that movement or soon will be dipping their their tea bags in the boiling water.

As I write this column on the very day that the county's budget hearing is to be held at the Community College, fate dealt me a cruel blow, which makes it impossible for me to attend.

For starting two days ago my chronic sinus problem went on a rampage, not only plugging up my nose but my ears as well, to the point that I can't hear a word people say to me from even a foot away or on the boob tube. (I couldn't help but think I'd still be married if that problem had existed throughout the marriage.)

So whats the use of going to the hearing, I thought, for I'm no good at lip reading or understanding sign language, assuming there will be someone standing up front doing it for the hearing impaired in the audience.

Shucks, is all I can say by missing out on that event. For I so looked forward to seeing who, besides the already declared candidates for a seat on the board, would make their presence felt by speaking at the microphone, which would be a clear indication, at least to me, that they're on the verge of entering the race.

In particular, I'd been interested in seeing if former commissioner Robin Frazier, who has moved back to Carroll after a brief sojourn elsewhere, will be present with her perpetual smile frozen on her face, as well as Mary Kowalski (a.k.a. Anti Airport Mary).

And while he has yet to make his intentions known, you can bet your bottom dollar that the incumbent Mike Zimmer will in short order join the pack, who's not about to give up on accepting invitations to attend meetings and events where he can chow down.

But I don't know why Julia Gouge is playing mystery woman. Could it be that she's undecided about whether to go for a fifth term, or going for the big enchilada by filing her candidacy for State Senator, a job held by her longtime nemesis Larry Haines, who after 20 unproductive years for his home county, finally gave up the ghost.

I hope Julia chooses the latter course, for she couldn't help but be a more effective senator for the county, and not let her personal and religious beliefs affect her decision-making, which were Haines' trademarks.

And in my mind, I believe she'd whip her declared opponent Joe Getty handily; who, while his resume may be impressive, is a rank opportunist, and who's always on the lookout for a position that will enhance his prestige and the inflated self-image he has of himself even more. But he does best me when it comes to having offspring: 6 to 5.