Are you physically and mentally fit to hold office?

by David Grand
July 19, 2006

That'd be as absurd as asking candidates on the forms they submit to the Election Board if they've ever cheated on their spouse or tax returns? Some would go ballistic over such a blatant invasion of their privacy rights, while others would answer the question--truthfully or not-- without giving it a second thought.

But let's suppose, just for the heck of it, that their physical state of health was a legitimate concern to voters, who wanted to be assured that their candidates of choice are in good enough condition to withstand the rigors of office for four years. If, however, their mental health was of concern, then they should just vote for someone else, rather than requiring them to take "Mental status tests," used by psychologists and doctors to assess a person's thinking abilities.

Perhaps the best way to check on their physical fitness would be to have, say, a mile-long race, in which all candidates had to run, with no stand-in's and allowed to carry only one bottle of Gatorade and to take two pep pills.

Main Street in Westminster would be the ideal place to hold it, straight as it is and in proximity to the fire station, where paramedics would be available to give CPR to those collapsing from heat prostration and tending to injuries.

No doubt  whatsoever, that Sheriff Ken Tregoning, who's in tip-top shape (from having pedaled his bike on the road for enough miles to crisscross the country) would win without breaking into a sweat, leaving the rest of the pack in his dust.

And I daresay, that the incumbents in the state delegation (except for Susan Krebs who's "fit as a fiddle") would drop like flies before the quarter-mile mark; and so, too, would commissioner's Minnich and Gouge. But not so Perry Jones, who's strong as an ox from working at his service station, and who could be the runner-up.

By the way, I don't view the older age of some candidates as a negative factor. How could I at the tender age of 75? And while I haven't computed the median age of the candidates, it appears that there's quite a few in the "Geritol generation," including a couple of Octogenarians. (Donald Dell would've been the third one, had he not decided for reasons of his own to withdraw from the commissioner's race. Personally, I was disappointed, for his presence would've made it a more lively and competitive event than it now stands to be.)  

Richard Yates, former commissioner, whose come out of the pasture he's been in for years, is running for Judge of the Orphan's Court. I wonder who opened the gate? Hoby Wolf, who reveres him? Naw, he wouldn't risk being caught in the act.

Democrat Nimrod Davis, who's feisty as a Bannie rooster and whose ancestors in Carroll County go back seven generations, is taking on a slew of Republicans for Clerk of the Circuit Court. He should garner a lot of votes from vets in both parties, for his having served with valor as a Seabee in WW 11 and as a Marine in Korea.

But when all is said and done, it'll be the candidate's popularity, the amount of money in their campaign war chests and, most importantly, their party affiliation that'll determine who's elected. Ain't it always been that way?