Strange but true goings-on in the animal world

by David Grand
January 4, 2006

Thought I'd start the new year on a lighthearted note, by writing a column about unusual events in their world. For heaven knows, there'll be a lot of deadly serious things to write about throughout the year in our madcap world; such as: the ups and downs in the war; the battle royal to be fought in the upcoming session of the Maryland General Assembly; the no-holds-barred governor's race; the debate over solving the immigration problem; the pivotal congressional elections; and the trials of Tom Delay, Enron's Ken Lay, and "Scooter" Libby, with possibly others in the White House being indicted by the grand jury's investigation of the CIA-leak. (As a Scottie owner, I was relieved to hear that Barney and Miss Beazley weren't targeted in the investigation, for that's not the kind of leaking they engage in.)

Here's a potpourri of some amusing animal stories I've collected, which I hope will also tickle your funny bone, even if you aren't an animal lover:

• Lazy police dog, friend to drunks, relieved of duties. Buster the German Shepherd could've had a great career as a British police dog, had it not been for one flaw: his complete lack of interest in fighting crime. In one instance, he walked straight pass a suspected criminal hiding in the garden of a home, and went off to cock his leg. And when patrolling pubs at closing times, he'd wag his tail when drunken revelers offered him fries. (Maybe his breeder laced his water with gin as a pup?)
• Man charged with biting head off a gecko. A man was behind bars for doing it in order to win a $10 bet. (I'd gladly bail him out, if it was that obnoxious GEICO's gecko he'd beheaded.)
• Dog diagnosed with narcolepsy. "I don't want him turning into a couch pillow," said his owner, who has to yank on his leash to keep him from taking naps on walks, and hold up his back legs and massage his neck to keep him awake at mealtime. (But I'm sure she's glad he's not yapping as much.)
• Dog gets 'mouth-to-snout' resuscitation. A firefighter stretched the bounds of duty to save the life of a tiny dog caught in a fire by blowing in his mouth. As a fire captain said, "Saving life is a fireman's top priority, and that means every life." (He might've had second thoughts if it was a pit bull.)
• Grooming pet rats. A pet groomer in California uses waterless shampoo to make their coats shine and smell sweet, and her only complaint is that they often urinate when being groomed, but rarely bite. (Where are you Pied Piper, when you're needed?)
• Outsmarting the average bear. A bear-proof container designed at Yellowstone Park passed the 90-minute test, by thwarting a grizzly's efforts to get to the tuna inside. (When available on the market, hopefully those living in western Maryland, who complain about black bears feasting in their garbage cans, will buy 'em as a practical and humane alternative to blowing 'em away for a trophy or rug.)
• Two drunken moose invade home for elderly. The moose--a cow and her calf--got drunk eating fermented apples in southern Sweden, before staggering into a retirement home and scaring the bejeezus out of the residents. It took a hunting dog to finally scare 'em off. Police made sure all apples were picked up. (Bet some were kept to spice up the old timers' punch on New Year's Eve.)
• Male mice sing during courtship. Songbirds may be the best singers in the animal world; but male mice can also carry a tune, say researchers at Missouri's Washington University, who proved that their high-frequency vocalizations were not random twitterings but songs they sing in the presence of a female mouse. (I'm sure they sing other than a love song, when chased by a cat.)